Climbing Kilimanjaro was one of the most introspective moments in my life. Oftentimes, climbers talk about the physical pain that they had to endure to reach the summit. Although this is definitely true, I found myself reflecting on my mental and spiritual states.
The start of the summit begins at midnight in the cover of darkness. After months of planning, weeks of training and days of trekking, everything culminates at the summit in the next couple of hours. As I was trekking up this last stretch, I found myself in a place of fear and contradiction. All of this work is finally reaching an end and the fear of not knowing what to do afterwards made me reconsider even reaching the summit. The thought of reaching the peak meant I was thrown back into the unknown to search for something else, anything, that can give me another goal in life. So much in life teaches you about the planning and preparation to get you to your goals that we fail to know what to do when we get there. I was scared about how to handle the the next phase of this journey. This was the fear of the unknown, fear of not knowing what to do next and how to find "that," whatever it is. There were moments where I was considering going back because of this realization.
Almost as quickly as I became fearful of this, I almost immediately knew that the reason I was here was to reach the top so I can find my next adventure. I knew I couldn't let my own self-doubt hold me back. The reason I came to Kilimanjaro wasn't to get to the top, but to conquer my own fears and give me the confidence I need going forward. I realized that there will be a voice inside your head that may question your abilities, but there is a louder voice that pushes you to accomplish more than what you thought you could ever do.
You don't really know what to expect on summit night. You get a lot of rest throughout the day and by the time you wake up, adrenaline is rushing through the tips of your fingers. The night is pitch black and the only light comes from the moon, stars and headlamps. Off in the distance, you see the lights of the groups ahead of you following an invisible line up the mountain. The darkness of the mountain seamlessly blends with the starry night into one giant obsidian canvas. A sense of awe rushes through you when you look up at the groups. It is as if the stars are moving ever higher to join the constellations in the sky. Their movement can be described by a slow, somber march to their inevitability to finally float up into the skies. It has to be one of the most spiritual moments in my life. When you look up and down the mountain, you realize that you are also part of this magical journey. We were all climbing to the stars and each ridge we climbed over got us one step closer. This must be the closest feeling to ascending heaven that we can experience on Earth.